Boys to dads, and the steps in between ...
Inez Russell The New Mexican
Posted: Monday, June 22, 2009
- 6/21/09
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On this Father's Day, I can't help but think about boys.

There are those lucky boys with active fathers, the many boys with absentee fathers and those unfortunate boys who have never known a father at all. Most of these boys will grow up one day to become fathers themselves, with too many lacking a real-life example of how men, real men, behave.

Because of society's changing values, it is no longer considered shameful for a woman to have a baby without a committed partner. While shame was hurtful, the changing mores don't change the fact that children still need their fathers.

As wonderful as so many single mothers are and will be, children need a male influence in their lives. That's why the first gift any father can give his child is to love the mother of his babies and to make a public commitment before the world to her and his future children.

Recognizing that boys need our community's support, a coalition of city groups spent last week highlighting boys and their special needs.

Called Boys Awareness Week and organized by the Santa Fe Coordinated Community Response Council, the week featured varied activities —from a town hall on the state of boys to a film festival to drives to attract volunteers to work with boys.

The idea is to bring in the community — the proverbial "village" — to help boys learn to be men. Long-term goals would include more boys graduating from high school and fewer instances of domestic and sexual violence.

First, say organizers of the week, it's important to acknowledge that boys are struggling.

Recent national studies show that compared with girls, American boys have lower rates of literacy, lower grades and engagement in school, higher drop-out rates from school, and dramatically higher rates of suicide, premature death, injuries and arrests. Boys are also placed more often in special education.

Experts believe, further, that modern education is continuing to leave boys behind. More sitting, more tests and less competition aren't ways boys learn best.

Interestingly, just as there is an achievement gap between different ethnic groups, boys tend to test below girls in reading and are losing their math edge. They get kicked out of preschool at a rate 4.5 times higher than that of girls and continue on a rocky path. By 2016, only 40 percent of undergraduates in college are expected to be men.

It's not a pretty picture.

But by acknowledging the problem, there are possibilities of solution.

In schools, some solutions are radical, including same-gender classrooms. Other adjustments can include forming teams to compete for best homework completion rates, as has happened at Pojoaque Intermediate School; introducing more hands-on learning; never canceling recess as punishment; and even adding (gasp!) such boy-friendly books as Captain Underpants occasionally.

Community solutions are varied as well. Teen fathers are forming groups to help them learn to be present in their children's lives despite the challenges. Adult men are volunteering their time to guide other men's children. Mentoring, in fact, is one solution we know works.

Yet in Santa Fe County, 100 little boys still remain on a waiting list for a Big Brother through the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. As part of the boys' awareness week, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Northern New Mexico held a barbecue at City Hall last week. The idea was to reach out to city employees and invite them to mentor a child — the campaign is called "100 men in 100 days," and it will be moving to other locations around town.

These measures can address the current crisis, but long-term, our society has to rediscover how much fathers matter. With dads in the homes and involved in their children's lives, boys won't be left behind. They'll be strong, brave and kind, ready to become great fathers themselves one day.

Reach Inez Russell at inezrussell@msn.com.


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